.snabs.

2009-07-09T17:40:00.002+08:00

whad could possibly led to that decision??

did he change his mind? did he just realised that actually, i dont even deserve to befriend him?

or could tis mean that they are finally.... my worst fears basically.

i will still wait till he tells me. as a friend. and when tt time comes, i wouldnt want to cry in front of him. in front of anyone for tt matter.

i used to think tt cryin in front of others is a gd thing. so they know how i really feel. but now, im just so embarassed. on hindsight, i realised tt ive been a fuckin baby. fuckin emo freak.
its one thing to think ure one (emo freak) and its another when others start to agree on their own.

im a walkin fountain sometimes.

i hope theres an explanation from him so as to not let my paranoia spread.

or would i rather not know????

2009-06-26T23:42:00.002+08:00

yesterday has to be de HAPPIEST and SADDEST DAY of my life after de breakup.

he is so gorgeous. i just wanna run my hand thru his messy afro and cup his face in my hands and just stare into his magnificent eyes forever.
ive missd that face. i realised i was starin at his nose alot when we were talkin. subconsciously. im pissd w myself for barely rememberin half de things that he said. but i can remember that whole person for a very long time from now.
it hurts so bad just sittin down there, beside him, when i know i can just reach over and touch his beautiful face. and just trace de areas under his eyes, his cheekbones, his nose bridge and his lips with my fingers.

but beneath all that emotions, lies a deeper fight, within myself. de fight to, for once in my life, put him honestly before me. de fight to help him be a better person.
he is by NO way not good enough. he is. but in a very pessimistic way. not de way he used to be. its hard because as much as i want him to change to be a happier and less negative person, he likes bein like tis. he doesnt Want to change. and i no longer want to disagree w him.
but tis does not mean that im gonna give up on him. you see, i decided to just leap into de idea of talkin to him. because tis picture poppd in my head and i just had to do de right thing.. for once.
picture tis.. you have just ruind de one you love's future/life/soul. he tried to stay as friends even though you screw up big fuckin time. but u dont think its enough (whad a bitch!) and he cant give you that. eventually, he decided that he thinks a clean break will be good. but at tt point, you werent up for it. after many unhappy moments, you sort of rationalise and realised tt you are bein selfish. and that you should give him whad he wants. tho by then, you dont really know whad he was feelin. so anw, you just cut off all ties w him. and he realised it and seems upset. after awhile it seems like That too doesnt seem to help him. which suddenly makes you wonder.... is it de right thing, to ignore a person whom u still love, when u have just caused him misery for like 5 months and it was because of whad YOU did, not him?? it doesnt seem fair is it? so you try to do de right thing now right and TIS i believe is de start of de right thing for me to do..
i might need more perseverance and patience, somethin i tend to take very lightly when im w him. but if I wanna make amends, and he is kind enough to talk to me, i think tis might werk. if i can show him how truly loyal i am to tis mission, its a step taken to show that im repentant.

some of you my disagree, but i think TIS might be de reason as to why my many (ok, two..) suicidal attempts didnt go well. yeah... that just clickd in my head as i type away... TIS IS my salvation! i need to be strong for him. i need to just be there. to let him know that yes, there are still ppl who cares. that he didnt change into someone bad. he is de last person to be known as Bad. but yes, i cant deny de fact that ive been taken off-guard alot by whad he has been up to. one of which nearly tore my insides apart and i could feel that my inside were almost crumblin to de pit of my stomachs. but if hes meant to be w that girl, i will have to accept it and put on a brave front. tis was my doin and i have to accept de consequences. no matter how much i feel like dyin just knowin. but i have to accept it. I HAVE TO. i do not have a choice. i am no longer someone in a position to Have choices. i no longer deserve such pleasantries.
and it doesnt matter whad i want anymore. its about doin de right thing now, and for de one i still truly love. for me to have at least a piece of mind that ive done tis, even if it might not werk. to know that ive tried to at least change his life, in a more positive manner, before i die. even if its a minute change. it doesnt matter. i know he can carry on once he has startd.

all i need now is patience, perseverance, be thick-skinnd and loyal. somethin that would have been so much better like 6months earlier.
because i believe that de ol Hanis is still there. down deep, in his heart. hidin in a cave because of whad i did.

ive summond demons from within him and i need to be there to fight alongside him. if i want to get de ol warrior back, sacrifices will be needed. and it will no longer come from him.

2009-06-23T19:02:00.003+08:00

im away from home currently. and will update abt whad i had been up to soon.

now, whad i really wanna talk abt is how im still affectd by Him.

first of all, i will be typin tis as if im really talkin to Him. so pls bear w me and read along. thats why u came to my blog right??

so.....

You are de last person i would think of bein affectd by anyone elses werds. Remember when you used to tell me, that i shouldnt get affectd by whadever other ppl say? As long as you know youre right, its all good.. Remember??
I know you feel that im de last person you would wanna hear from or you feel that i dont deserve or have de right to be even sayin tis to you.. afterall, im really not de ideal/best/right person to be givin advice. Even way before we came to tis situation, ive told you that im not an advisor. Or a listener. Or a loyal gf. Okay, im sidetrackin n that last bit i think ive given my werd to u before.
But seriously, why do you get so bothered? I know they probably dont mean to hurt your feelins. Can you imagine that they probably feel de same way too if they read ur blog? Like you, they probably regret or wishd they hadnt said those things to you.
I seriously do not know whad ure referrin to as it is always vague so im just assumin alot here. But youve become so negative and sensitive. Its really heartbreakin seein you perpetually upset. I know i dont deserve to mention abt you bein upset because all of these wouldnt happen if I had not screwd up your life. I'M de cause for ur misery and again, im sorry.
If i could do somethin that can make you feel so much better (not cured or not like before), just make you feel abit more positive and off that plateau, i would. WHADEVER it is. I SWEAR.

I dont know why you wanna quit de band. Again, its probably due to u bein sensitive and yes, commitment issues. But hey, minor setbacks. I know ive never been a good supporter to ur music but u shouldnt give up. Thats another thing u told me before about. Dont give up. Youre not a quitter Hanis. I am, but not you. Youre so much stronger. Even before we were together. You gave me hope and always encourage me. I look up to you so much. If you give up on ur music, i will give up on my life. Its not a threat. Its just that much easier for me to give up knowin that you do it now too.
And ive heard your music before. In de bus. And i rememberd that it was good. Ironic huh? You probably think im tryin to suck up. Yeah maybe i am. But i realised too that bein detachd from you, made me look at perspective from a friend's angle. A stranger even. And it was good. Meaningful werds and good melody. So, just have patience and werk on de band. If not, werk on your guitar on your own when you guys cant meet up. Just dont give up sweets.

Maybe today was a bad day for you. I hope tomorrow will be a better day. Because de worst day was over. Five months ago.

2009-06-22T04:03:00.002+08:00

if you had askd me about an hour ago to type an entry, for an update for de past 3 days, i would have had much to type.

but now, i have very heartfelt stuffs only.

1. A true friend is one who can curse at you and tell you how fuckin messd up you are, in your face. And did this because she cares.

2. I have only GREAT FILTH for myself and will FOREVER BE GUILT-RIDDEN. if that even counts as smtg.

3. I am TRULY and FOREVER SORRY for ALL DE HURT.
i truly am. from deep within my heart. if i still have a heart after whad i did.

4. I have found a way to conjure de PAIN and HURT, and i Want to feel it.
whad doesnt kill you.... only makes you ungrateful.

5. I left my New Moon in a friends car. So de jist of no.5 is that, I will have Bella's Cliff Divin Experience in my head durin tis Bintan trip.

"As if I never existed...." - Edward Cullen

2009-06-18T15:33:00.003+08:00

i woke up early tdy. and so i decided to go for a mrng jog. that was like ard 9.
aft 20mins of runnin, i stoppd. fat burnin run only and ive just startd runnin again so 20mins is a gd timin. so when i stoppd runnin, i feel like pukin badly. but i couldnt bcos i havent eat breakfast. my fault, ok.

durin tis time i had an epiphany. which i cant rmrb now. FUCK.

so awn, aft stretchin, i went home. and spent 1 and a half hour lyin outside my house! my stuupid brother died in his sleep so he didnt hear me knock and rock de door. at one point my neighbour came out and saw me on de floor. she thought i passd out. chet! ringgeyy!
i plannd on brutally assaultin my brother when i finally get to go in de hse. like grab de 200-page maths book tt was alr on de livin rm table and whack his guts out till wakes up. sooo many ideas..
but in de end, im toooo nice of a person/sister and tt just resorted to givin a pissd look and huffd alot and bury my anger in a packet of nasi sambal goreng.

im in sch now. will do my required werk soon. but before tis, i met bert at tamp and we went for lunch. yes, im a pig.
planned for our trip next wk and i actually enjoyd myself so far tdy. still not in a chatterboxy mood but im still able to entertain him.

i wonder whether He will ever blog again. im slowly realisin tt His last entry had a deeper meanin. co sit sounds like he wont ever update again....
im worried.

2009-06-17T17:33:00.002+08:00

i dreamt of Him tis mrng.
like, i just dreamt of him and then i kinda wake up and i was like no! no! must get back to sleep. come on!!! recall recall!!

well, i kinda manage to do so. for a while. then i dont know whad happend. whether i dreamt of smtg else or i woke up. but i think i woke up cos then i rmbrd feelin pissd w myself.

sigh.
im beginnin to feel like Bella Swan all over again.

aaanyway, i realised tt im waayyyyyyy backdated for my maths. i got really blurrr for like de first 5mins i startd studyin. in de end, i decided to do a review of my sec 2 chapters since i dont have sec 1 book. my skimmin-thru werent tt fast. i still got like maybe half a book more to do.
maybe tonight. hopefully by next wk i can start doin papers without zonkin out bcos i know zilch abt it. hopefully la.

oh, im at de cybercafe again. much more pleasure usin de Internet here cos my house one is DAMN, FARKIN SLOWWW. i'll pay 1.10 only so even tho im effin broke, im fully satisfied usin de Internet here. waste alot of my time at home, waitin. and eventually, i just lost interest. urghh. luckily till july only. but i think its de comp. tsk. must do servicin/repair for both comp n lappie at home soon. dammit.

well, as u can see, im really chatterin nonsense here. cos im at ease w de comp. hahahaah!

my bait of a friend has not textd me. i think he gave up. hahahha!!! or hes busy werkin. now tt he has ord and gotten his ol carrefour job back. gd for him. cos i dont think im up for any goin-outs now. im feelin v homey past few days. buttt, tmrw must go sch. get tt board settled and discuss abt de itinerary for next monday till wednesday bintan trip. dont feel that Up for de trip for a few reasons. like, one, im feelin homey still. two, im still not feelin chatterboxish. three, im not payin for a single damn thing! courtesy of bert. installments ok? promise.

but i hope i WILL enjoy it. i better do.
its not my money.

2009-06-16T11:01:00.002+08:00

i dreamt of robert pattinson last night.

my main aim of bloggin tdy is to let u know that apparently my bait werkd. HAHHAHA!!! but too bad. he caught me at a bad time when im still emoin and thus, i told him off. in a nice way tho. but seriously, if he had said that to me like a few days earlier, i would have said yes. (as you can refer to my previous updates.) so... yeah. too bad for him.

im likin my emo state now. had i not been emo, i would have gone for him now too. hahaha... powerful werds can influence you. and if it comes from someone who you used to lookd up to so much, its even faster.

like ive said before, somehow im not meant to be in a rship or smtg cos there will always be smtg in de way. like when i Did like de guy, hes almost attached. move on to next. when i Did like de guy, hes too high strung / out-of-reach kinda guy. move on to next. when i Did like de guy, he treats me like doll. move on to next. when i Did like de guy, he liked me back a little too late.
wow. ive just realised that within 4mnths, ive liked 4 different guys.. HAHAHA!!!! but not one month each... my infatuations dont last apparently.

anyway, things will probabaly start takin a U-turn, now that i have just mentioned all those. it doesnt happen de same way once u start mentionin ard, believe me. im not de only one who has experience tis kinda shit. when u r confident abt smtg, say... ur rship?, de unevitable will come chasin u and caught up, eventually. so, expect de unexpected?? well, just live ur life for now. and rmbr that God always have a gd reason for de things tha happend.

if its meant to be, its meant to be.

i need tro give a huge shout out to all de guy friends that have been spendin time w me. some evidently fallin Or disgusted by me. with de lack of female companionship for me to hurl out my feelins / actions, you guys have been there to support me. ive been very lucky to make / found tis new 'brotherhood'. no amount of werds can help me say how grateful i am for ur listenin ears, ur company, ur money and ur hours spent w me. Thank You from de bottom of my heart. i hope that tis friendship will last and maybe u guys can join my grp of ladies to be MY bridesmaids and best men.

HAHAHHA!!!! as if im gonna get married!!

im gonna stay in tdy and wadch robert pattinson FAKE a kiss w kristen stewart on mtv movie awards that ive missd for de past TWO FUCKIN DAYS!

readin New Moon all over again. strengthens de emo feelin. Kudos!

2009-06-15T01:51:00.002+08:00

im feelin sick to my stomach. i feel like slashin myself.
i shoudl have died de other time. cos it wouldnt have hurt as much..
...ive TRULY lost de ONLY person i love.
...ive hurt him SOOO SOOO BADLY that i can NEVER forgive myself.
...ive got nothin.

i'd thought u wouldnt update anymore.

i just feel like i can REALLY do somethin BETTER for his life. but thats like an oxymoron. puttin beside de werds "better for his life". IVE BLARDY RUIND HIS LIFE!!!!
i SWEAR i can cut myself now.....

as much as tis hurts, for both of us, you know youve always made de right choices. theres no Love if you dont feel it. and i can never force u ever again. i just hope u do find somone else who will love you better than i did. and i hope it happens soon.
as much as i think i'd die knowin tt ure attached, it beats You dyin from all tis mess ive fuckin caused.
if you feel de hurt, i feel it too. just maybe twice more. cos it hurts even more knowin tt ure still sufferin because of whad I did. i know most of ur friends are anti me by now. please listen to them. they want it to end as much as i want it to end for u. ure a strong boy. strong background and beliefs.
but i also know that it can be twice as painful because you gave me ur heart n soul into de rship and i FUCKED UP FUCKIN BLOODY BADLY.

sigh...
ive ran out of excuses to support myself. and i DONT want to support myself. tis past 4mnths has been a real eye opener. i know now that YOU TRULY ARE ONE IN A MILLION. theres NOONE else like you. unless hes in de movies. and its true. tis is as serious as i can get. and as much as i want u back, i also want it to be tis way. so that i dont hurt you again. and like ive said before, i'd rather not get back together w you. please dont think that i dont love you. ive NEVER loved anyone else, just STUPID FUCKIN FLINGS!!! and i dont think i can love anyone else like i do you.

de reason why im cuttin all ties from u is because i know u want these. uve said it before, just that i didnt listen. as usual right? and now that ive come to terms w these things, i guess i should really let you go. physically.
mentally and emotionally, you'll forever be in me. my life. my mind.
till i die, i swear..

2009-06-15T00:03:00.002+08:00

i miss those times that i cant finish my food, and theres always someone who will help. especially when I cook de food. or when its mac n cheese.

spendin tonight on my own. not in de mood for company, unlike last night, as i am tired and lazy to chitter chatter. i wanna emo.

few days ago i told a friend tt i would accept anyone who will ask me to be their gf. so that movin on will be much easier for me. i did thrash out de pros n cons. and it was a tie. bcos....
pro: i can stop thinkin of Him.
con: he will be hurt.

but then i thrash out again. and found out that its actually 2:1. bcos...
pros: i can stop thinkin of Him. AND i will eventually like/love de new guy. hey, thats how arranged marriage werks right?!
con: he will be hurt. (but then again, who doesnt right?)

so yeah. that was how i felt. a few days ago. and i thought ive gotten a bait. but DAMN. its not happenin. when i felt like i could pull him closer to a rship w me, hes too emo. which makes ME emo. which makes me rethink now. cos we had tis late night out and we were both fuckin emo. and i realised tt tt will be ~~de evillest~~ one of de evillest thing ive done. and de rest is then history.

IM NOT MEANT TO HAVE A RSHIP NOW. SOMEHOW.
God is like forbiddin it or smtg.
i just hope its a gd thing.
but then again, now tt ive said it, i bet everythin will be goin de other way round.
sighhh...
typical.

so lets see whads gonna happen for me in de future. its kinda excitin. awaitin for ur future to unfold. its always unexpected.
ANDDD again, now tt ive said that, de Total opposite will happen soon.
sighhhhh.

so, whadever la.
gonna go checkup on my email and fb and bloghop.
been missin out alot for de past few days apparently.

lovin bein home alone.

2009-06-09T20:33:00.002+08:00

every chance i got, i blew it away

i thought im over you
apparently im not
for now, ive been feelin shitty
and ive been cryin alot

im so afraid that
you will find someone new
someone prettier and smarter
someone that will also love you

ive regretted my stupid mistakes
time and time again
but nothin can be changed
and all i do is cry in vain

i dont know whether you hate me
or still plain hurt
i always wonder if youre coping
but its probably not that difficult

you are always stronger
than i ever was
all your actions are never wrong
so i should not be whinin
because it IS the right thing
that was to happen.

for i am not good enough for you.
and if i do get another chance with you again, i'd rather not.
i will continue to love you.
from afar.

6:15pm, tdy.

2009-06-09T11:56:00.002+08:00

i hope my private-viewin werks.

current feelin: fuckin emo. some happiness.
i went to a friends blog and saw Orchards aka Firdaus photos. he lookd quite gay in de first photo but anw, i got excited abit la. like really abit only. scroll scroll scroll.... i saw smtg tt made me stop for like a second.
it was Him. his picture.
he lookd good.
he lookd fat. hahaha.... ((:
he lookd happy.

thats all that matters right. and i am, for him.

it was so sad cos de song tt was playin, Damien Rices The Blowers Daughter, had tis line tt kept repeatin "i cant take my eyes of-a you." and i seriously couldnt. i cant think straight when i lookd at de pictures, i cant help but smile, even tho im cryin as well, and my head feels either so light/heavy from all tis overwhelmin rush of emotions.. i could just die. its that feelin again. you feel sooooo fuckin helpless w u life bcos u know its not complete. its not fulfillin. its not, happy.

that all that matters right. that he is happy.

thank u hidaya.

2009-06-05T10:13:00.002+08:00

my ipod so cute.
i was listenin to Mayday Parade and wanted to let I'll be the Wings That Keep Your Heart in the Clouds to finish so i can stop de song-play but I COULDNT!
it PURPOSELY wanted me to listen to Three Cheers for Five Years.
hahaha. cute.

i love you too ipod.

2009-06-04T16:06:00.000+08:00

I LOVE DE NEW HEINEKEN ADVERT!!!!!! CRACKS ME UP TO PIECES EACH TIMEEE!!!!!

((((:

2009-06-03T17:05:00.002+08:00

my nenek crackd me up when on de bus just now. she was sooooo stunnd tt there were soooo many durians hangin ard along de expressway. her eyes were fuckin sharp tho. i kept missin de hangin durians.

but she kept goin like, "eh ehh!!! tuuu!!!" "ishh... banyak nyer!!!!" "eh ehhh!! tuu tuu!!!" "banyak nyerr!!!"

hahahah. damn funny!!!!

i had to shush her at one point. hahahah!!!

anw, i had a FUCKINBLAST yesterday!
went out w Cleavage to Sentosa was just AWESOMEE! never really tannd before so it was awesomee! and de weather was just FUCKIN AWESOME!!!! blue sky, breezy and high tide w clear green wavess...
FUCSOME! happy 24th Cleavage!

aft that i was supposed to rush home and get changed to meet my colleagues. but didnt have time to do so, so i bought clothes instead. then went to meet my colleagues at Minds Cafe and had ALOT of fun playin board games and shoutin. i think some of my colleagues are pissd w me??? hahahaha.. well, if i wanna start thinkin abt de many ppl who are unhappy w me, i can go crazee. so lets just ignore tt feelin and lead my own life. as long as i dont get confronted, it means its all good.

after that, me and bert went to de New Asia bar and wadch Singapore go by from de 70th storey of de Westin Stamford. then we lepakd at de bridge near Esplanade and do stupid stuffs! fun!! (:

feel good. do good. be good.
FUCSOME!

2009-06-01T20:39:00.002+08:00

mjohan said smtg tt will haunt me forever.
until i find out / know de truth.
that really explains alot.
never in my dreams had i thought that it could happen.
but now that i let that possibilty through....
everythin seems much clearer now.

its time.

2009-06-01T13:53:00.002+08:00

its been awhile since i woke up in de aftnn. wasnt a peaceful slp, but good to know i could stretch my slp till im ready. or at least till i dont get scolded. hahah!

havin cereal now while waitin for my washin to be done and gonna bloghop. eat cereal also kena scoldin. cos its lunch time and theres food alr. but im feelin cereal-ly whadd. anw, i'll eat it when i come back home from trainin.

de last track trainin for my kids. one alr calld sayin he has fever. not sure how true tt is. but lets believe la. so yeah.. i think trainin starts at 3pm at queenstown stadium. DAMN near.

ok.. will update again tonight. if theres anythin happenin-whappenin.

2009-06-01T00:30:00.003+08:00

wow. i had a blast aft werk.
ate and talkd and laughd like nobodys business!

i didnt get to do my crazeee stuff.
yet.
((:

guests were fuckers tdy.
most pissd off day at werk thus far since ive startd back.
tho i still get a badge from de same senior.
tis time round for motivation.
haha! cos i lookd pissy than last time i werkd.
tt time veryyyyy good mood.
now over de good mooder alr whadd. hahaha!

hes still hawt i think.
*gurgles n drools*

ok ok.. snap out of it.
basically we girls ended up tellin ghost stories, scarin de fuck out of each other.
as though mandai wasnt scary enuff.

well, aft de MANY late nightssss, i think im gonna rest and spend more time at home if i can. at least for these next few days.
before Special O.
*vibrates excited*

sidetrackin....
its been awhile since ive used soap/cleanser/whadever on my face. so now my faec feels taut and squeakyy clean!

emo times are comin TIS wayyy, again.

2009-05-31T00:18:00.003+08:00

workshop was goood. i think everythin went smoothly. (:

BERT MADE ME AN AWESOME CHEESECAKEEE!!!!!! (((((:
love ya dude. thank u for de many many small n big things u do for me to make my day n night.

i have tis reallllllly awesome but fuckin crazee idea in my head tt just NEEDED to be realised asap. like tmrw asap.

2009-05-30T00:52:00.003+08:00

why do i have de strongest feelin that ppl are upset w me??
am i really de one who is ALWAYS screwin up?
do i look like a troublemaker/troublefinder???

am i not entitled to havin true emotions, just because ive hurt others aplenty before??

2009-05-29T16:53:00.001+08:00

last day of sch feels like shit.

plus de fact tt im FOREVER hurtin ppl.

seriously. DO I MAKE PPL HAPPY AT ALL?!

2009-05-29T14:23:00.000+08:00

suddenly i'd rather have ppl not bothered abt me.
keeps me sane.

2009-05-28T23:56:00.002+08:00

oh, i was not longer pissd until i startd talkin abt it again. abt bein MAN/WOMAN-HANDLED.
and i realised when i was showerin just now that TIS just adds up to de fact tt i prefer skinny, tall and lanky guys.

but if im fated to be w someone opposin my preference, nak buat mcm maner kan? nothin can be done to help me , if it is my destiny. and so, i will shut up right here.
in case i end up w someone 3 times bigger than me.

2009-05-28T23:47:00.000+08:00

im havin tooo much GUY DRAMA!
where are my ladiesss?!
BSFs????? HELP!!

today ive realised how much i just want attention from only ONE person.
suddenly bein in a rship wasnt so bad afterall.
and i'd thought i was missin out then.
fuckin sheesh.

2009-05-28T12:25:00.003+08:00

I HATE GUYS WHO MANHANDLE / WOMANHANDLE A GIRLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just because im single now doesnt mean im cheap, weak, vulnerable and touchable all over!

fuckin prick.
if i dont laugh and i told u to stop it means STOP.

and i bet ppl think i went clubbin to get tis shit. wtf.

2009-05-27T18:15:00.002+08:00

im soooooo goin for much younger boys.
de Special O rehearsal made me happy.
got lots of talented young boys.
im fallin for one from GO. damn cute and tall!!!
and one of my student is very gd at dancin. ive found my LATIN DANCE partner!
anddd i met my distant distant relative. NABIL! so cuteeee. dancin w a buoy. hahaha!

oh, got ns boys also. lets skip those.

2009-05-27T12:08:00.002+08:00

wtf.
apparently ive been textin to my Orchard laa abt de replacement issue! i thot it was another colleague! curse u m.johan. u confused me.

but then again, everythin seems MUCH BRIGHTER. not in a gd sense i guess.
i chattd w an old friend who knows tis Orchard of mine. de end result: i didnt have a great sleep.
ok maybe last night was cold for me so i woke up mid-sleep. but tt old friend was just like de cherry u would placed on top of a cupcake. de last deco.. de last straw? i dont know.
i was alllll shockd and happy and girly and excitable at 4 in de mrng aft accompanyin de Bear for 'sahur'. cos he textd me tt early. which i was also afraid tt tt old friend actually told him! but i told him not to. maybe it was a big coincidence.

then again, i guess it happens for a reason. and de reason ive deduced now (tis mrng, shortly after relivin my excitable moments and thinkin back of my probably-related-sleepless-night) THAT i am just gonna let it go. after findin out tt a Leo is MY Perfect Match. damn shithole.

i dont want to get burn. i couldnt agree w AD then, bcos she doesnt want me to get burn when i startd gettin all excitable whenever im within distant w Orchard. sigh...

im not ready for any rejection.
im not ready to get dumpd.
im not ready to be messd with.
although, if karma truly exist, i should be gettin it soon.
and terribly.

im lettin go....
so You my dear babe, no more rivalry.
hes all yours.
(:

2009-05-27T01:23:00.003+08:00

oh my god.
i sooooo do NOT like how me and bert becomin now.
for fucks sake, we nearly wore matchin clothes again tmrw lah, had we not brought de topic up. at de same fuckin time!!
damn it. i would have worn a white dress w black flower patterns on it and he would have worn his formal white shirt and black pants. damn fuckd la.. look like we'll be attendin a weddin or smtg. worse, a DATE!
fuckin gross. wore matchin colours twice alr. yest we plannd on our dressin tts why tdy didnt clash. tdy or should i say yesterday, he lookd like a piece of shit. whole attire brown.

anw, back to me bein grossd out. and we have put on de same profile pic laaaa. i SWEAR someone is gonna mistaken us as a couple very soon.
FUCKIN EEW LA!
but i put de profile pic first so i should ask him remove it.

2009-05-26T23:02:00.002+08:00

im FALLIN IN LOVE w tis new song ive heard!!!

Broken Heart is fuckin awesomeeee!!!

tdy in sch was havoc!
funniest part was when me and bert were busy plannin our holiday getaway then found out tt linda was goin bintan too. same resort same days. then shima also join in and said she goin bintan on de same day! then we were sooo kecoh plannin and suddenly de whole staff rm had a blackout!!! fuckin funny cos all de teachers (femalesss) startd whinin and complainin like fuck!!! HAHAHAH. damn hilarious. then on de other side of de staff rm, teachers start toc conglomerate and i made an afraid-of-de-dark comment. which they denied! and said tt we on de other side better be careful as de rats might come out now tt it was dark. HAHAHA. so then one by one packd to leave cos apparently de WHOLE sch had de short circuit. lets hope de comps recovered all of de unsaved werk. de colleague sittin opp me stayd de whole aftnn to complete her werk la. so poor thing. lucky she saved every now n then.

ok. lazy to type alr. not feelin too good since abt 8pm just now.

I NEED TT BILLABONG TOWEL AND TEE!!!

2009-05-26T02:12:00.002+08:00

computin bank damage report

location: bugis
time: 2130
target: billabong

reversible sweater 119.90
water bottle + casin 25.90
tote bag 29.95
vintage handbag 29.95 (bday gift from bert)

bonus: free sling bag
----------------------------------
total: 175.75 (excluding gift)
----------------------------------

result of bank damage report: awesomeeeee

2009-05-24T23:50:00.004+08:00

i feel like sleepin while waitin for all de websites to bloody pop up. should have just done so de moment i got home but i just HAD to refresh my memory of Orchard. hahaha.

theres so many ppl on fb now. weird sia. like 30-40 ppl. sheesh. whad are u guys doin at home???

well, tis is like my first night at home, aft 3 - 4 straight nights/early mrngs bein out. just doin stupid and random shit like lepakin. fuckin tired now.

de only thing tt perks me up to de tip of my hair from my toes was at werk tdy. TWO distinct parts. i just feels soooooo rejuvenated thinkin of it. of him. fuckin orgasmic.
i sooooo wanna type more abt him but i cant say much. and i dont want to say soo much. i'd like to relive tis fantasy over and over to myself. *TRIES to be all giggly and elated*

i dont want to end my post abt anyone else but him. so... tmrw i dont think i wanna go for my crazee night w bert at de flyer. effin tired. tis is de last week before sch hols but last 2wks for me officially bcos theres Special O and workshops goin on in de 1st wk of de hols.

ok. im braindead. i wanna eat my pizza, wadch a lil tv and sleep.

YOU WILL BE DE LAST THING BEFORE I DREAM AWAYYY. YOU!! YES YOU!
YOU FUCKIN HOT, I-CAN-SO-EAT-YOU-UP HELLAVA SEXY YOU!

2009-05-21T09:22:00.002+08:00

Kiss me thru de Phone is soooo cute! ive just really listend to de lyrics and its soo sweet!! i miss all these mushiness.... hahaha!

i swear 7 Things I Hate Abt You is a DAMN NICE song. its dancey, angsty AND lovey! and I can relate. its like a short writeup abt bein in a rship. HAWWWESOMEE.

omg. im so lovey dovey and relationshipy. weird. must be de imbalance of love in my life. so i have sudden outburst of it durin pms. which i have deduced to be 2weeks before my period comes. tts when i get cranky, angsty, tired, complainy, huggin everyone.. basically, IMBALANCED and RANDOM. so pls pardon me when im EXTRA weird. yah, then 1 week before period, boobs sore and all physical soring starts. which is now.

ok ok. go for meetin first. chiaossss

2009-05-20T00:58:00.002+08:00

im damn sleepy alr. gonna turn in soon.

de Catchin Spiders public awareness about washin ur hands crackd me up. it was just so cute la.

my legs are quite sore. tensed. stretchd. tried to do round-off tdy durin cheer prac. must practise my cartwheel properly first.

de 147 i took aft tt, which is ard 10.15pm, was like a hauntd bus. it was scary cos NOOONE was on de bus when i board it from Potong Pasir. i was afraid to hail de bus at first cos b4 tt, at de bus stop b4 de MRT, de display light was like flickerin and just got sitchd on or smtg. i startd hearin things when i passd de cemetery.
but it was probably my wild imagination. though i was temptd to run ard, dancin to Jai Ho on de upper level of de bus, cos i ruled de plc for awhile.

anw, tmrw will be a long day. thank God ive irond like a bunch of clothes so i dont need to do tt tmrw mrng like always. i probably gonna make my way to de dentist b4 goin to sch cos my tooth has alr touchd de other. within a day of tightenin.
i SWEAR my teeth shift soo fast.

anw, i tink i should slp alr.

i was rude to my nenek just now. gonna apologise b4 i sleep or i Wont be able to do so (sleep).
gonna give her a peck on de cheek and wish her gdnight.

2009-05-18T23:09:00.003+08:00

today is full of randomness.

i was able to add one more to it. just before i began bloggin. but lets start from where i think it triggered.

my HOD shook my hand and said "WELCOME BACK". haha. because i said i'll stay.

bert thinks im hot.
fuckin freaky. im like so burnt-lookin and breakin out and he said im gettin there at "turnin him on".
fuckin gross.

then my bro out of nowhere asks whether im still w you-know-who. im like, no. so long alr, i told him. then he paused.
"how long?" tsk.
*thinkin: since feb. actually, april cos thats when i got over things*
"april."
i think sarcastically... he said "wow.. so long"
thank GOD hes not a busybody. de whole convo lasted less than a minute. includin de pause he took.

de BIGGEST randomity is when i checkd my email. but i will indulge in tis info more next time. esp when i get back de reply from de other side.

oh, apparently my HOD and P didnt expect me to stay. haha. cos i dont look too good at de review i guess. im sorry but i just didnt know how to react and control my emotions, professionally. so i guess i lookd constipated.
but we'll see how la horr.

gonna web-hop for my June HOLS!

DID YOU KNOW....

i didnt bathe at all yesterday.

2009-05-17T23:07:00.001+08:00

im recoverin from de ache and pain.

i didnt know im gettin really tanned. or just plain dark in my case.

2009-05-17T11:17:00.003+08:00

btw, a gentle reminder.

DO NOT FUCKIN WADCH ANGELS AND DEMONS IF YOU ARE A HARDCORE DAN BROWNS FAN. YOU DO NOT WANT TO GET DISAPPOINTD. ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE DE WHOLE BOOK IN YOUR HEAD AND YOU EXPECT IT TO BE REALISED BY HOLLYWOOD. COS ITS AN EFFIN DISAPPOINTMENT!

ok. thank u for ur time.

2009-05-17T10:40:00.002+08:00

im at home. when im supposed to be ooglin at my Orchard in de zoo. sighhhh..

i think i kena food poisonin. or some other tummy issues. its painful when i make big and sudden movements. i dont feel like crappin cos i think i ran out of shit to produce. but de pain is mainly like my tummy muscles. its like how ur legs will feel aft runnin like 800m for de first time aft so long. yeah, so piture that ache on de legs and paste it into my tummy. thats how it feels like.

and so i need a freakin MC to cover me tdy. but most clinics are closed! all except de hospitals and 24hr clinics. which are wayyy of budget. im not dyin tdy (yest i'd beg to differ) so i will just pop whadever meds i can fine. and try to save my way thru not producin an MC next wk.

dont think i can walk very far too. sighh.

i think if i had that ENO meds last night, i would feel much better. de irony is, i thot tt heatburn (or whadever it is calld) on de ENO commercial is reallyy an exaggeration. lo and behold, i got slappd in de face by it last night. sighhhhh.

oh, in case u r wonderin how come i can type and post tis if i cant walk (to de cybercafe) is bcos tt de internet at home can be used on de desktop! YEAYYNESSS!!!
my mom is de most n fuckinly thrilld abt tis. it was her nonstop drive to ask us to test de vodafone on tis comp. sighh.

ouh. maybe my sickness was due to me stealin from my parents de other day. payback is fast on earth. and im meant to pay them back when my pay comes in.. tis was one of de rarest time ive done any stealin from my parents. or stealin for tt matter.

i think.

hahahaha. ok. tdy is still a gd day cos ive got tonnes of paperwerk to do.

IM GONNA STAY AND PROVE THEM WRONG. (:
thank you for de many listenin ears and advices.

2009-05-15T14:57:00.001+08:00

i got no mood to eat but i just need to do smtg. so a slice of pizza and a packet of milo.

despite my outlook tdy (dressin wise), i dont feel so pretty inside.

2009-05-14T15:21:00.001+08:00

IM CRAVIN FOR TWIX!!!!!!

2009-05-14T09:20:00.002+08:00

i think my period might be comin soon.
cos im like eatin alot as im feelin hungry always.
ive got tis blob on my tummy when i wake up.
and, ive been quite emo. but nothin-i-cant-handle emo.

anyhoo, ive been havin recurrin dreams. well, not recurrin dreams per se, but a recurrin character in my dreams. and i think of him alot more now.

hmmm. i want to stop thinkin of him and focus my energy on Orchard plsss!

anyone wanna watch ANGELS & DEMONS with me tonight!!!?!!!

pleaseee???

ok. mornin crappin session is callin me now... gotta let it go. (:

2009-05-13T08:20:00.002+08:00

wakin up at 5plus - 6 in de mrng reminded me of ol' times. when i used to go to school... by 7plus i would alr msgd him w mrng wishes and mushiness. hahaha! saddenin sia.

anw, i had to make a trip to Katong Sch to send some Art stuffs for de Editorial ppl to take photos of. cos apparently de pictures we take were nvr high-qualitied enuff. bleargh.

my parents are dooshes. hahaha. im sorry. i just wanna say that. hahaah!! but they are! calld me a bit late rightt.. i could have had a gd mrng breakfast w them lah!! probably at Geylang Serai or smtg. tsk. disadvantage of big, clear and loud headphones. you cant hear ur phone ringin. hence, you miss good quality Malay breakfast. sighhh..

ive realised tt my crap isnt ready until 8am. hence, de blobness at de end of my tummy tis mrng at 6. it was Good Shit. literally.

so now im suppose to be makin fuckin good use of my early entry into school to do my many many reflections and lessonplans.

oh yah. yesterday i was emo right? didnt have anyone to talk to and all. well, God werks in mysterious ways. i got to know tt a fellow colleague is in a SUPER DUPER SIMILAR SITUATION as me! we both talkd out abt de possibilities of overseas studies and how fuckin broke we are and unaffordable it is. it'll be soo damn cool if we could go to de same uni and be bunk buddies!
hawesome...

well, i will probably blog somemore later. before my duty and lesson starts and CCA. pfft. friggin long day sia... tmrw also must come early for meetin.. BOOHOOHOO!!!

i want Sunday to come fast! I WANNA SEE ORCHARD!!!! (((:

2009-05-12T18:56:00.002+08:00

just tis mrng, when i was rushin to get ready for school, did i realised tt i forgot to go for my appointment at IMH. then i just told myself tt heck la, im feelin sooo much better now, whad for go for de apptmt and counsellin.

lesson learnt: never be too happy before de day ends.

2009-05-12T17:44:00.002+08:00

im in a dilemma. im feelin depressd. im feelin emo all over again.
but its not abt rship. no.
its abt my job. it seems like im goin to stay for another year before they send me for de diploma. meanin i will probably go for de dip in 2011. wtf rightt.
i know im to blame bcos of my many emotional breakdowns, many MCs and currently my too-laid-back attitude. sighh... tis just makes my overseas-education option all de more appealin. cos honestly, right now, im no longer into tis whole teachin-as-a-career mood. im not into de WERKIN mood. not right now.
life is too short. i still think im very young to start werkin properly. especially as a teacher. i still wanna study. i want to have tt freedom. i want to stuff my face in nothin but books. give me anythin! anythin but a full time job.
sighhh..

i so badly need someone to talk to right now. like just huddle my legs and rock back n forth whilst talkin my brains out. to someone. someone tt i feel soo comfortable with, still. someone tt pushd me to try tis job and knew tt i can do it well. tt someone.

accordin to my HOD, i did very well last year. but whadever tt happend tis year just tarnishd it. sighh..

i need to feel appreciatd again. i need to feel gd abt myself again.
i need a *insert werd*.

2009-05-07T17:26:00.002+08:00

it takes a alot of concentration to crap when there are 5ppl outside de toilet talkin really loudly.

2009-05-07T15:15:00.001+08:00

i might go on a blind date later. a double-date-blind-date.
farkkkde.

2009-05-07T11:28:00.004+08:00

yesterday turnd out good. i was dreadin yesterday cos every wednesday have been very packd. but yesterday was de first time i felt tt it was gonna be tirin and a chore. probably due to de lack of sleep de night before. but anw, track trainin went well. i just had to rush off aft tt bcos bert was alr growin cobwebs waitin for me.
we wadchd Horsemen. as usual, i tensed up yet again. i swear, next time must wadch cartoon w him. anw, it was a good show. but got one part i just couldnt wadch. and pls go and read up on de synopsis first bcos we were both damn blur abt whad was goin on.
aft tt we went to Heeren awhile cos i gotta pee. and i wantd to find tis particular band at HMV. walkd ard HMV, we both couldnt find our discs, and i heard tis song Shock Horror by The View playin and loved it. love de start of de song ALOT. anw, we walkd to dhoby ghaut aft tt and along de way, i decided we should go into de Condom Shop. shitless funny stuff in there. i hope those 2 staffs there werent offended. anw, bert got me tis glass tube, that has a fake condom in it, with de werds "In Case of Emergency, Break Glass". he got one for his friend/himself.
met Ayu and we went to Obar. damn random shit. i was still in my pe attire but changd before we went Obar. dancefloor was bare till like midnight and i huggd her and wishd her a Happy Bday. stupid DJ totally forgot abt de dedication i wrote. cos they swappd DJs and i guess purposely forget. cheebyes.
Babe, we love you ok. Call me whenever. Remember..
Sisters Forever, Men Whenever.

am lovin tis song now. just randomly playd in my head.

2009-05-06T12:49:00.000+08:00

you had me at hello. (:

2009-05-05T18:23:00.003+08:00

oh yah! i met my date again yesterday. we watchd 17 again. yes, Again, for me. i SOOO could be 'de master of my bed' in de cinema but bertram alr warnd me. cos he said dont traumatise zac efron. idiot rightt. secondly, im w AJ. if i was alone i would have probably done it. doesnt matter tt im seatd directly by de walkway.

then we windowshoppd awhile and ended up gettin ourselves identical tee shirts! and i told her we need to start comin up w a handshake. (((:

sat at CoffeeBean awhile so that i could use her lappie to do some werk. OMG. that sounds soo wrong!!! hahahaha!!! omg. hahahah.. yah mann! hahahah. anyway, we didnt stay long cos tt poor girls left eye was close to poppin out anytime soon. so we took a cab home.

and i have yet to play w my skateboard. ):

2009-05-05T18:10:00.003+08:00

nothin much to update. just that ppl are jealous of me. cos apparently im "too skinny". wth rightt. i know.

hahaha! im not angry or bein a bitch. just weirded out. Good english you Have. thank u for statin de obvious Conscious.

anyway, im gonna head down to Potong Pasir later for cheerleadin. somehow there are ppl who missd me. hahaha! when im not even a key component to de team!

btw, i think i need to go for an xray. im havin a bodily-defect, confirmd by Kenneth and Shima yesterday evenin, aft i prostrated myself on de table at de Art Cove.
shit. i just realised tt theres a cctv camera there. nice goin dumbass. Shut Up! urghh.

oh. and Kenneth now knows whad position i wont be able to do in bed. cheeko.

2009-05-04T10:11:00.003+08:00

i have soo many things that i wanna type. but now i dont know whad and where to start. sighh.. goldfish... DORY to be exact.

oh okay.. lets go backwards. i slept at ard 4 tis mrng and woke up bright and fresh at 8. wtf rightt. no idea. anw, i laughd myself to sleep again. i swear tt voice record is hilarious. i teard. i dont think tt counts as cryin cos i wasnt. maybe i laughd too hard. ((: funny memories.

and ive realised tt i need a 2nd job Fuckin badly. im sooo spendin on myself like nobodys business. to date, ive spent 288bucks on myself. wtf rightt. sheesh. so im hopin zoo can squeeze me in over de next few weekends. COME ON! im left w 100+ bucks only lehh!!! fuckin cb.

pls pardon my profanities.

well, i think i should go and do some werk. ive laggd behind so much. bleargh.

and maybe scoop on my crush a lil. i love de Internet. (((:

2009-05-03T18:56:00.003+08:00

updates over de weekend:

- friday was spent werkin at zoo. and ive found my latest crush. MAJOR. he was TOTALLY unexpectd. like my impression of him was soo far off. hes like totally MY kind. awesomeeee. so next sat i would be on a mission. :)))

- sat was fuckin tirin. woke up early for track relay trainin w de kids. rushd home and rest a little before goin out for my dance lessons w hakeem (kiki). rushd down to ave 8 for my tuition aft that. but not before havin some cheesy fries and dessert at MadJacks. restd awhile at home aft tuition before ayu calld and askd for a short meetup. went to Tampines. i got my transparent stud. she left me stranded at de skateshop in Century. luckily de guy there entertaind me. got myself a FUCKIN AWESOME!! red skateboard and a pair of vans to go w it. a gd deal i must say.

- today was spent sleepin in like nobodys business. wadchd cartoons after cartoons till my uncle and his family came over. not tt i stoppd wadchin. eventually bathd and made my way to Green to tis cybercafe again. de guy over de counter was a damn ah beng. loathin his not-so-bad-lookin face. and, i found out tt im left w my last 100+ bucks!! like WTF!!! i expectd to have a few 500 left!!!! i soooo need to check again on my spendin. tis is gettin fuckin screwd up. fuckin shit!

i need more hrs at zoo. which is not so bad cos my eye candy is there. :)))))

oh, and i walkd to Green wearin my tee shirt inside-out. you dumbshit.

2009-04-30T12:15:00.001+08:00

AISAH JUST BIT MY ARM! FOR NO APPARENT GODDAMN REASON!!
CRAZEE BITCH. bcos she laughd and then apologized.

2009-04-30T11:51:00.001+08:00

i was savin my blog as de last website to surf for now. and i just realised i got no tagboard! where some of de most happenin convos are disclosed. HAHAHA!!
i'll go and revamp my blog properly now.

2009-04-29T13:57:00.003+08:00

did i mentiond tt mdm asmah said i just need to do de recent lessonplans and reflections ONLY!?
effin awesome. :))

2009-04-29T10:31:00.002+08:00

mdm asmah greetd me by askin how i was. she always asks whenever she sees me , which is very sweet. i said i was ok and she said i lookd fresh. wtf. i just walkd from redhill mrt to sch, feelin all sticky and sweaty, needed to pee quite badly, so conscious tt my skirt buttons will unbutton on its own - and she said i lookd fresh.
well, could be de new skirt.

yeah. i was soooo conscious of my new skirt. one: its a size 10, so its loose fittin, which i like cos i feel damn slack and i think i can skate in it one day. though i bet de buttons will get undone de moment i start pushin off w my left foot. bcos i CANNOT do big leg movements; thats how easily de buttons pop.

so enuff abt tis mrng. YESTERDAY i felt so scared. so afraid tt de evenin would be spoilt!!!
but it didnt! heh. :)

so my date with AJ was fun!
wantd to catch a movie at Lido but they had de Wolverine Gala Night so there were only 4 other shows. AJ didnt wanna watch one-two (hantu) show and i had enuff of Friday de 13th de other time. so decide to eat 1st. halfway walkin to Fish n co (i didnt tell her we will be eatin there), she said she went Fish n co de other time and it wasnt halal. at tt same time, i did an about turn w her hookd on my arms. ok, its actually de other way round. but yeah. but then she said she ate from Fish n co still, so i did another about turn back towards Fish n co. but in de end we just walkd to Swensens. and found out tt de place was renovatin!!!! fuck. damn hungry alr. actually voiced out to eat at Cahaya before headin to Swensens. BISH BISH! eventuallyyyy, we went to taka 5th floor and was torn between Seoul Garden and Breeks. but since AJ WAS a Seoul-Garden Virgin, i just HAD to brin her there. and she was scared at de food. padahal tt was nothin compared to de table beside ours. they were fuckin hungry i think.
so then we spent like 2hrs eatin. no zac efron for de night. but we shoppd! yeay!! i got 2 skirts and she got 4 tops. COTTON ON RULES! :)) we went to Zara before that though and we tried like these REALLY AWESOME KILLER heels!!! so prettty!! AJ have same taste as me now which is cooool beansss!! and there was tis moccassins tt was AWESOMEEE!!!! so awesome i did a Native Indian dance when i wore it. HEYA HOY-A! HEYA HOY-A!

i didnt get my skateboard. i didnt get my sweaters. i didnt get my TRANSPARENT EYEBROW STUD! damnn. and that Guess handbag is just so RETROLY VINTAGE! *lovesss*

aaaanyway, bein w AJ reminded me of a certain someone ALOT. i have no friggin idea how it was triggerd but it was weird. yet im glad it made me smile inside when thinkin of de memories. it was AWESOME memories that i'll cherish. and im so cool abt de whole thing tt mentionin You-Know-Who was so easy in my conversations. :)))

we gossipd and i did a little confession. we had fun. LOVE YOU BABE. :) next outin is de hotel one or de beach one ok?! LETS SPREAD DE WERD!

2009-04-28T14:02:00.002+08:00

im gettin sooo used to bein single now. and a close friend is alr attached!!! wtf. im such a loser lah. like nobody wants me. :( boohoo.

hahahaha!!! but seriously, im likin de freedom and choices. its always stupid anyway and i can now embarrass myself only.

OH NO!!! now tt shes attached, i cant club anymoreee!!!!! cb.

anw, i kinda like bein de unwantd girl. :)

ive been happy on my own. like, i dont think of anyone and just enjoy myself.

im sooo gonna get that fuckin skateboarddd!!! *eager-face*

and i hope i can spend more time w friends. :)) all u ppl that ive hollerd, pls find a date quick!

and really. QUICK!

2009-04-28T12:15:00.002+08:00

ok im on a mission tdy. to complete all my werk. at least half of it by tdy.

i woke tdy w an excitedness of a girl meetin her crush. bcos im goin out w AJ laterr!!! i even dreamt of her lah last night! thats how much ive missd her and anticipated for tis meet. she abandoned me like 3wks?? she doesnt even rmbr how long my hair is?! BISH BISH!
so there i was at home, alr plannin whad to wear. apparently since sunday! wow. i didnt even realise that. im SOOOOO ON abt tis meet!!!

and then i realised i forgot my atm. and cash. cos i thot i had my atm. CHEEBYE!

but ive bribed my bro to send it to me later. 20bucks. not sure tt is alot or little for a trip as unimportant to him as tis.

but I LOVE YOU APUL. :)))

2009-04-27T14:17:00.002+08:00

~~tis must be for all de dumpin i did. (tt came out wrong) (and tt came out worse)~~

KARMA.
ive dumpd so many guys for really, no particular reason (some), then. tis must be how it feels to get dumpd. so unwanted. so ugly. so useless. i feel inadequate. i feel disturbd by these facts.

tell me, do i lack anythin? is there smtg i could do to make ppl want me? or is there smtg i shouldnt do at all? ppl need to give me a chance first, to prove my worth now. ive changed. not entirely, cos then whads left of me bein me, right? but i know whad i want now. sigh...

saddend. but hey, life must go on. and i Must live my life.

i will finish up on my fourth song/lyrics. and i will post it here. soon hopefully. :)

2nd Heartache This Season

2009-04-27T13:11:00.003+08:00

MAYDAY MAYDAY!!!

View all Singapore events on Eventful

2009-04-26T14:36:00.005+08:00

sighhh.

i woke up dreadin de day. me and bert woke up w bad news for each other. hahaha. but so far its been quite nice. surprisinly. bein at home, surrounded by my family. probably my dad was sleepin so i didnt get any shit from him. but everyone like so nice to me tdy. as though they know i need de tlc. hahaha.

u wont believe where i am now. im at a cybercafe or whadever u call it. cos my lappie spoilt so i made my walk to hougang green.

a few things made me smile tdy. if not on de outside, then on de inside.
- looks like a friend of mine has been havin a good time. keep up de good werk dude. its gettin pretty much easier now right? i believe so too. maybe time does heal wounds. im happy that you are. :)
- another friend is findin his happiness. dont worry abt other things man. just keep on lovin and everythin else will turn out great. happiness is subjective to me. and im startin to find things to keep myself entertain.
- and to my babe of a friend, be careful. i know u know ur limits. but pls, do take care. (wow. why am i takin ur motherly role now??)
- and to you my friggin AJ, tues better be ON. i need to spend quality time w u u know. all de single ladies must stick tgt. :))

ok. maybe tdy might not be so perfect afterall. baru jer kene pekik kejap kat talipon. haha. so malay. well, im goin out tts why.

i wanna buy:
- yoga mat
- transparent stud
- skateboard
- guitar strings

yeap. im keen on exercisin, skatin and playin de guitar. u know, things i can do on my own. dont have to depend on ppl so much. my abs are formin. somehow. i dont know how also. not tt i do crunches everyday. its like when im bored in de middle of de night, in front of de tv, w no gd shows to watch, then i just do some. so its kinda like a motivation to keep fit and get my fuckin ol' figure back! hahaha. i wanna skate bcos then i can like u know focus on smtg (skatin skills) and get my mind off others. playin de guitar is just for me to start findin de melodies for de friggin songs that ive written.
i need to find tt hockey ball as well.

im also happy w my new headphones. THEY ARE AWESOME!!! i feel like a have a live band playin for me. shoutin in my face and surroundin me w their equipments. hahaha!!!

oh damn. i cant copy paste de picture! bane of a cybercafe. urgh.

anyway, i just hope i CAN do all these. im quite stubborn when it comes to changin my mind. like if im alr thinkin of someone, i refuse to stop thinkin and do smtg else. as much as it hurts and i cry till my eyeballs wanna sag out, i refuse to change my mind and do smtg tt will benefit me. herein lies de problem. hahaha

well, i guess i will leave tdys entry w a partial of a song. and may my friends out there have a blastinly awesome time. :)))

it looks like its gonna rain here. and we welcome it. :)

it gets harder everyday, but i cant seem to shake the pain
im tryin to find the words to say, please say
its written all over my face, i cant
function the same when youre not here
im callin your name and noones there
and i hope one day you'll see, nobody has it easy
i still cant believe you, found somebody new
but i wish you the best, i guess.
cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows
how to make it work, or how to ease the hurt
we've heard it all before, that everybody knows
how to make it right, i wish we gave it one more try
one more try
one more try
cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows

- john legend

2009-04-24T12:19:00.004+08:00

GOD. im pissd w myself a little. well, ive been wantin to say tis but i keep forgettin whenever im bloggin. until yest, i watch ET! netwerk. so here goes....

ANYTIME FROM NOW, ALL THEATRES WILL BE SHOWIN NEW MOON'S TRAILERRR!!!!! CANT FUCKIN WAIT!!!!!!

so there. im piss w myself cos i alr had a feelin tt it will come out soon. not tt it alr has come out but yeah. ET! had to mentiond it FIRST, which just spoils my effort to show tt im a TRUE BLUE TWILIGHT SAGA FREAKKK!!!!

ok. i think im goin bonkers.

on a happier note, AJ just finishd her fuckin exam!!!!!!! which means i own her now!!! cos YOU OWE ME. *beams*

on a scarier note, Friday de 13th was FUCKIN ANNOYIN! first time ever i wantd to leave a cinema halfway thru watchin a movie. its like SAW! fuckin gross. i stoppd watchin SAW aft de 2nd one. well, i watchd abit of de 3rd one but it was dark and unclear on de laptop of a fren cos it was pirated. heh. am i goin jail for tis?
aaanyway, it was EFFIN tirin watchin tt movie yest bcos i had to tensed up so many times! and friggin bertram keep tryin to scare me. but to no avail. :) bcos his timin sucks. HAHA!

on a much happier note, ive been survivin well these few days bcos of YOU. yes YOU!!! so start askin me out alr!!! youve made me all fluttery inside just by thinkin of de many things tt we could do!!! hurry up!!!!! before its too late.....

... and i askd you out first. :))

youve made de week go by soo fast.

2009-04-23T16:53:00.002+08:00

am i de only one whos not doin werk durin rp(admin/free) period??

daymn.

i will end tdys entry w a loud smack in de face.

And i hope this makes you happy now
That the flame we had is burning out
And i hope you like your pictures facing down
As even broken hearts may have their doubts

And i'm taking all your memories off the shelf
And i don't need you or anybody else
So take a look at me
See what you want to see
When you get home

Take me home
I'd rather die than be with you
Take me home
You have a problem with the truth
Take me home
Because this happens every time
I knew it would...
I knew it would...

2009-04-23T09:29:00.002+08:00

i laughd myself to sleep last night. seriously. burst out laughin, on my bed, at ard 2 in de mrng.

and i woke up w tis song in my head.

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold utopian dream
You do something to me that I can't explain
So would I be out of line if I said
I miss you?

and i overshot my train stop bcos i slept. bleargh! luckily i was still on time. :)

gonna watch friday de 13th later. beware of my reflex-spasms bert!

2009-04-22T21:21:00.002+08:00

you learn smtg new everyday (cum updates)

1. ive not been runnin properly apparently. i thought im at my peak of sprintin. wrong leg lahh. thank you adaptive pe lessons!

2. i poke de associate professor in de abdomen w a floor hockey stick. of course, accidentally!

3. i need to bathe badly now but noone wanna accompany me. (im in sch btw) they suggestd de pond, de tap outside staff room. but none suggested de friggin cubicle. monkeys.

4. my nike shoes got no grip. i fell ALOT durin last weeks adaptive. bleargh! but i still love my shoess !!!

5. new revelation: i dont give a fuck anymore.

:) call me!!!

2009-04-22T11:49:00.002+08:00

12:41 am
you learnt smtg new everyday.

1. ive learnt that ppl do things for a reason. it can be wrong or right (reason) but never for nothin. maybe my rship goes awry n defunct bcos i deserve it. maybe its meant to be. maybe hes actually not de one for me. maybe.

2. seriously, ventin out w someone who is in de same/almost similar predicament as you, really helps.

3. ventin out by dancin your hearts out helps millions too. i beats runnin. both releases 'happy genes' tt i need badly. (counsellors recommendation)

4. movin on might not be so difficult afterall. maybe God is helpin me in some sense of de werd because im actually turnin my heart to someone else. its not tt im showin how true of a bitchy ungrateful slut i am by not holdin on but it hurts much, much lesser when you girly-fy yourself n become an all whiny n crush-stricken teenager all over again. and somehow, many are encouragin. which is a bad n a gd thing.

5. which leads to tonights closin n revelation: EVERY ACT HAS ITS PROS N CONS. its up to you to choose which one benefits you.

12:42 am
wow. 22nd apr. sigh. hahaha...
so much for movin on.
well, im not emoin now. just vaguely thinkin

i woke up feelin lethargic. too much dance and too little sleep. and as i was turnin in bed tryin to wake up, de sound of my inbox (hp) bein full truly woke me up. i rarely get mornin msges now and im still not used to not gettin any msges. so yeah, i fought against de mount of pillows and checkd my phone....

IM A HAPPY BUNNY TODAY!!!!!!!!!!! :))))))))) *beamss!!*

2009-04-21T16:44:00.001+08:00

Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

- Christina Aguilera

2009-04-21T14:48:00.001+08:00

For hearts so touch'd, so pierc'd, so lost as mine.
Ere such a soul regains its peaceful state,
How often must it love, how often hate!
How often hope, despair, resent, regret,
Conceal, disdain — do all things but forget.

2009-04-21T11:58:00.002+08:00

i saw 4sw's look alike!!! awesomeeely similarr!!!! even de laughterrr!!!! OMG. so HOT!! i tried to take his photo discreetly but to no avail. blur photoss. shucks huh.

damnit lah. make ur move man. im SO ready to leave behind de pain.

2009-04-20T12:36:00.002+08:00

i wrote another song last night.
i need to learn de guitar fast.

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

- Linkin Park

2009-04-19T19:54:00.002+08:00

whad a hindrance i have been. i never knew i was that big an obstacle. im a people-hurter. im a dream-popper.

and im a slutty cheebye.

Salutations to Being a Goddamn Prick.

2009-04-17T17:27:00.006+08:00

i was jumpin arnd to Untouched by The Veronicas last night durin de short advertisement they showed their music video. i told myslef, well, ive found a danceable emo song! i felt good. dancin to tt song. tho i used to find tt song saddenin. but now very dancy!

then i saw a new song on mtv. i was watchin and was wonderin "who tis minah?" turnd out it was demi lavato. hahaha! yah, she lookd very malay in her new song Dont Forget. love tis song. i knew im gonna like it de moment i saw de title. im quite observant abt song titles now. like i used to not care abt de title. now i do. cos if de song is very meaningful to me, i would want to hunt down de lyrics. so let me tell u why demi lavatos new song on mtv is awesome in my books. but it changed my happy-dancy mood to a thinkin-and-abit-emo-but-still-smilin-inside mood.

Demi Lovato - Don't Forget - Official Video (HQ)

Dont Forget - Demi Lavato

Did you forget
That I was even alive
Did you forget
Everything we ever had
Did you forget
Did you forget
About me

Did you regret
Ever standing by my side
Did you forget
What we were feeling inside
Now I’m left to forget
About us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can’t forget it

So now I guess
This is where we have to stand
Did you regret
Ever holding my hand
Never again
Please don’t forget
Don’t forget

We had it all
We were just about to fall
Even more in love
Than we were before
I won’t forget
I won’t forget
About us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can’t forget it

Somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can’t forget it
At all

And at last
All the pictures have been burned
And all the past
Is just a lesson that we’ve learned
I won’t forget
I won’t forget us

But somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song
But you won’t sing along
You’ve forgotten
About us

tis mornin, before i went to IMH, i told myself to watch de last music video before i leave home. damn cun, de song tt came up next was by Simple Plan. de one they were on de roof playin de song. and somehow they one by one seems to appear in other ppls bedrooms. effin scary rightt?!?! if they were as goodlookin as edward cullen, i dont mind sia..
HAHAHHA!
btw, tt song also very meaningful. oh yah, smtg abt im not perfect.

aaaanyway, de counsellor said that im quite insightful. bcos im not demandin and think im right. like in denial, i guess. hah! how others would raise an eyebrow over tis statement.
and im so shameless and fuckin draind. breakin down in front of random ppl. but talkin/blabbin continuously out WILL make u feel better.

reminder to self: STOP LISTENIN TO MAYDAY PARADE!

sigh. gonna wait till de adaptive pe lesson starts at 6.45. sheesh. come to sch for pe lesson only.

ATTENTION ALL UNI FRIENDS: when u guys are sooo done w ur exams and whadsnot, pls kindly call snabs @ 97602404 to payback for ur many postponed and cancelled appointments. pls ask her out before she slowly rots. rots. rots. rots.

whad a weird werd. rots.

2009-04-15T12:35:00.000+08:00

it feels like de first day at werk all over again.

IM BACK IN DE GAMEE!!!

2009-04-14T17:40:00.002+08:00

de first thing i saw when i opened Facebook was SAJC. bleargh! how to get on w my life..
hahahahha!!!

i can i can... dont worry. mind over matter. close one door, many others open bcos of de reverse suction. (u guys didnt know that rightt????) so yeah.

BRING ON THE DATESSS!!!

2009-04-14T17:28:00.003+08:00

honestly, i had a shitload of cryin tdy. like inconsolable. but thank you Mdm Norlina. i will be ur daughter.

anw, i decided my heels-wearin phase is over. bcos my cheeko of a colleague commented that it raised my rear. and that was it. O-ver.

overseas studyin is like my outlet for a brand new life. but it has to be thought of carefully. im really keen in sports science and forensics. but i dont think i can come back to pursue a career here bcos it may not be acceptd. u know how s'pore can be very choosy even though u Have a cert. sigh.

i need to get away from here. find a better life. its quite gd so far tdy. i just need to turn to Him whenever i need help.

and i love you too Mdm Norlina. Thank you for understandin.

2009-04-14T14:48:00.002+08:00

its a beautiful day to get upset.

i found a new friend that i know i can relate and trust.

she was there for me and will be for more.

she even askd me along to malacca next weekend w her and her husband.

well, if pay comes in by then, then i can ask ayu along maybe.

yes, embrace de future. and look for God whenever youre in need.

a student shook hands w me just now and then another friend of his was sayin tt hed better stop or else my boy will find him. then de first boy said tt i no longer w my boy. then de 2nd boy said when is he goin to eat 'nasi minyak' (= my weddin) so i asaid on thurs got briyani in de canteen, so just go and buy there.
de next moment i saw him again, he shouted from de basketball court, askin me to marry him.

how can i leave and scold these ppl so much... i wonder.

2009-04-13T14:13:00.002+08:00

im thinkin of overseas study. theres a lot of options out there. but its alr apr, and im gonna sit for my maths tis year end, so im really contemplatin abt de dilemma. i guess i can still sit for my olvl maths overseas, if i request u know.

maybe tis is very abrupt. like a very sudden decision makin. so i need my aunts insight on it first.

but im ready to see de werld.

2009-04-12T02:28:00.002+08:00

oh and i steppd over a snake tdy at zoo. like not those in de exhibits kind. de on-de-pathway-by-de-grasses-by-de-lake kind.
cool beans.

2009-04-12T02:18:00.002+08:00

bought stuffs! like awesome clothes!! too bad i didnt have enough for my charles & keith shoes!!!! that would be awesomee!!! and im sooooo buyin those cute shorts and that red bra and that nice indie dress and that shades.. all from cotton on!

Awesome.

Ouh! i had a temporary eye candy tdy at zoo. his name is gay to me but he seems sooo smiley n friendly. sudden hotness. hhahah!!!

and i miss tis frend of mine. alot. but i think hes still busy. and im shy. cos i think hes avoidin me. :( please know tt ive missd you!!!! YOU! yes you! dont u know it???

hahahaha... retarded.

i feel like wadchin hentai. since tis mrng lehhh.

WAHAHAHHAA!!!! but seriously. i might consider again.... :)

2009-04-10T19:02:00.001+08:00

in de hospital now. my dad is de same as always. not sickly on de outside only.
stupid cold. i wanna shop tmrw!!! shop HAPPILY!
fuck.

2009-04-10T01:12:00.003+08:00

just came back from wadchin Knowin. i bet it made everyone just wanna do smtg good after de show.
it made me feel like all de more sad yet confident?? sad bcos i wish i could spend more time w someone i love. confident.. i dont know. like Maybe i could still do it someday. like before its too late. but then de followup-feelin will be scared. like yeah right, ure so confident u'll be able to do that... and im left feelin sad all over again. like, whads de chances right?? and if i should take away smtg from de show, it should be that de future is unpredictable.
as always.

anw, suppose to stay out somemore but im down w flu since after school. and after wadchin tt movie, goin clubbin isnt exactly a good way to start repentin. i know i know.. my action will only last tonight.. yada yada. but hey.. its a start. and im home startin my whole emoin session again. good righttt? *roll eyes*

other people are havin de time of their lives and here i am.. emoin everytime im online. well, i go online BCOS im emo. so i can vent it out. like duh!

fuckin fuckd up life. im sooo miserable each dayyy!!!!

2009-04-09T12:25:00.001+08:00

i wrote another song. tis time it was during cluster meetin.
fuckin emo.

2009-04-09T09:31:00.002+08:00

i never thought i could actually feel tis way.
to still feel okay (happy) just so someone else can be happy.

anw, i have tis current HATE. and that is to look up to guys, as in literally. i dont know why but last night/tis mrng i feel so strongly abt it.
maybe it was just me tryin to rationalise myself tt wearin heels does not mean im changin my whole self.

whadever. i just cant get my mind of smtg.

2009-04-08T17:31:00.006+08:00

wednesdays and fridays will end at 9pm in school for me. urghh. hope its fun, because its pe stuff! better be.. better be..

i wrote a song last night. been hummin de tune in my head most part of de day. ive got de singin melody but not yet de music. gonna get my aunts guitar tuned first and then try it out. ive got a vague idea of de tabs. once all is done, it'll be MY FIRST song. and i will brace myself and put it online. HAHAHA!

seriously.

2009-04-08T14:42:00.001+08:00

ive realised tdy that im really into de whole fairytale-romeojuliet thingies. i wish my life was that easy. anw, will update more later. SUPER busy every wednesday!

2009-04-06T18:02:00.001+08:00

sometimes it just hit you you know. im not emo. but i miss tis alot. (((:

2009-04-05T13:00:00.002+08:00

contented. happy with whad i have so far.

please stay, dear bestfriend.

and you owe me MANY outings. :(

2009-03-31T08:53:00.003+08:00

13 Signs Of Falling In LOVE

1. When you're on the phone with them late at night and they hang up...but you miss them already when it was just two minutes ago
2. You read their texts over and over again...
3. You walk really slowly when you're with them...
4. You feel shy whenever you're with them...
5. When you think about them, your heart beats faster and faster...
6. You smile when you hear their voice...
7. When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you... all you see is him/her...
8. You start listening to slow songs, while thinking of them...
9. They become ALL you think about...
10.You get high just from their scent...
11.You realize that you're always smiling to yourself when you think about them....
12.You would do anything for them...
13.While reading this, there was one person on your mind the whole time.....Now make a wish
**************************************************************************
Forward this as'♥♥♥13 signs of falling in love♥♥♥' to as many people as possible in the next 15 minutes *and something good will happen to you tonight.
If you don't forward it you will be ALONE for 5 years Don't send this back to the person who sent this to you TAG YOU'RE IT !

a stupid thing to start of de EAAARLY mornin in school. but i do agree with it all ESP no 13. that made me smile. tho i wish id been like no 7 way, way last time.

7.17am
within my short span of singlehood, ive realised tt noone will love me like you do. ive tried almost everythin to save de rship but nvr tis one.
if im given a say, my last werds to you will be tis:
if id ever gotten de chance to be lucky again, i swear i wont be stupid ever again.

every distant memory seems so clear today.

2009-03-30T21:01:00.000+08:00

for a fickle minded person, im absofuckinlutely positive abt one thing.

2009-03-29T21:28:00.002+08:00

i just got back from werkin as casual labour from de zoo tdy.

it was good. money comes in.

theres so many things i wish to say but nothin is comin out.

goin back home, in 138, it felt like 2005 all over again. so i tuned in to whad i tuned in then - Rooney. and de first song on my ipod was like BAMM! fuhhh. DAMN SPOT ON.

whad song is it? well, tune in soon to find out! hahahahha.

2009-03-27T16:36:00.003+08:00

i took tis test. i think again. like, halfway thru i realised i did tis b4. but anw, i cant rmbr my score then. so here goess...

NO CHEATING
THIS IS THE HOT TEST....
HOW HOT R U?
GET A PIECE OF PAPER ANDNUMBERIT 1-11 (NO CHEATING) SEE YOUR RESULTS AT THE END OF THE TEST. WHEN YOU SEND IT ON PUT YOURSCORE INTHE SUBJECT BAR.

1. WHAT SHADE OF HAIR DO YOUHAVE?
a) Dark
b) Light

2. OUT ON A DATE WOULD YOU WANTTO:
a) Go to a party
b) Go out to eat

3. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOROUT OF:
a) Baby-Pink
b) Yellow
c) Baby-Blue
d) Turquoise

4. PICK YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBY OUTOF:
a) Talking
b) Dancing
c) Taking Long Walks

5. IF YOU COULD PICK A STORE OUTOF THE FOLLOWING, WHICH WOULD IT BE?
a) Louie Vuitton
b) coach
c) againt all odds?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE OUT OF THE FOLLOWING?
a) hawaii
b) London
c) florida

7. IN THE SUMMER WOULD YOU RATHER GO TO:
a) The Beach
b) Somewhere Cooler

8. WHAT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY MONTH?
a) January
b) February
c) March
d) April
e) May
f) June
g) July
h) August
i) September
j) October
k) November
l) December

9. WOULD YOU RATHER:
a) Chill at home
b) Go out with friends

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NSTRUMENT OUT OF:
a) Guitar
b) Bass guitar
c) Drums
d) The Triangle

11) NAME A PERSON OF THEOPPOSITE GENDER

====NOW MAKE A WISH!====************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************ ***************************************** *******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************!!!!!*STOP*!!!!!*******

ANSWERS**>>>>
1. a. dark= sexy [5points]
b. light = sweet [2 points]

2. a. go to a party = playful [2 points]
b. go out to eat = romantic [5 points]

3. a. baby-pink = cute [2]
b. yellow = loud [3]
c. baby-blue = cool [5]
d. turquoise = sexy [5]

4. a. Talking = active [2]
b. Dancing = determined [2]
c. Taking Long Walks = daring [5]

5. a. Louie Vuitton = tasteful [7]
b. coach = laid back [2]
c. againt all odds = stylish [5]

6. a. hawaii = you like being aroundpeople [2]
b. L.. You are quiet, and like thecold [2]
c. florida = You like to party! [5]

7. a. beach = tan, likes the sun [5]
b. somewhere cooler = pale and original [2]

8. a. January = popular [5]
b. February = lovely [2]
c. March = rebellious [5]
d. April = playful [5]
e. May = happy [5]
f. june = chills a lot [5]
g. July = smooth [3]
h. August = fun [5]
i. September = quiet [2]
j. October = out-going [3]
k. November = pimpin' it [5]
l. December = warm [3]

9. a. home = quiet, romantic [5]
b. go out with friends =crazy [5]

10. a. guitar = eye-catching [5]
b. bass-guitar = mellow [2]
c. Drums = crazy [5]
d. Triangle = simple [2]

11. This person will fall in LOVE with you!

SCORES!!!!
UP TO 17= LOUSY GET A LIFE MAN
18-20=OKAY
21-35 = Rather HOTT
36+ = ow u burn

NOW REPOST THIS IN THE NEXT 2MINUTESAND YOU WILL HAVE GOOD LUCK WITHYOURR ANSWER FOR NUMBER 11REPOST AS: ,HOTT TEST den rite ur scorenow that u have opened this there is no going back!
if u dont send this message 2 every one on ur list u will have the following:
~ u will fail ur tests (O-lvl not counted righttt)
~ u will cut ur finger (HAHA!)
~ u will lose someone close 2 you (DONE! haha!)
~ u will not have a good day for the next 12 years (pfft! whads new..)

--if u do send this u will:
~ be kissed by ur crush b4 next month (WAHAHA! whad a joke!)
~ have good luck (yeahhhh.hmmm)
~ have someone fall in love with you (reaaalllyy??? pfft. dont burn me like that lehh)
~ have ur all time dream come true (IM GONNA MEET ROBERT PATTINSON?!!!!?! WHEENNNNNN!!!!!!!!!????)

btw, my result is 44.

2009-03-27T16:11:00.003+08:00

tis poem was supposed to be those chain mail but if i dont die soon its obvious tt de curse was a fluke. hahahah!

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
And as in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
'Tomorrow' I say! 'I will call on Tim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him.'
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
'Here's a telegram sir,' 'Tim died today..'
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.

Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.
Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late.
Seize the day. Never have regrets.
And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.

HIP HIP HOORAYYY...!
ITS FRIDAYYY!!!

and i love you, and you, and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and YOU!!!!!

2009-03-27T01:27:00.002+08:00

i cant sleep. been restless these few days. sighhhh. normality huh.

i missd de past. MY past. ive left it behind but now i feel like im searchin for those crumbs ive left behind that time..
sighh.. whad a pity.
stoopid siti.
motherpookie.
hahaha!
i think i MIGHT be sleepy.

sighhh. well, nope. not really. sighin means im still conscious of whad i want and feel.
sighhh.. i feel like just sittin in front of tis lappie and type away, detailin every single thought and passin/changin ideas/beliefs/stands. sighhhhhhhh

Come whad mayyyy... Lalalalalala.....
i want my denvers tee shirttt.. cos its so aweesommeeee....

sigh. why.

2009-03-26T22:26:00.001+08:00

FUCKITY FUCKITY FUCK FUCKKKK!!!
I THINK IVE MISSD DE REGISTRATION FOR MY OLEVEL MATHSS!!!!!

2009-03-26T10:44:00.003+08:00

8.49pm yesterday
im thinkin of a song tt i cant rmbr by who n its supfuckintatin. i wish i had my mobile music dicktionary now. sighh.. sadden.

tis mornin ard 8ish
my dad is desperate for a new kidney. my mom said he was too hopeful tt hers might werk. well, i dont blame him tho. its tirin i bet. goin dialysis AND werkin. he askd me to give mine if my moms doesnt fit. i just sniggerd in my room n gave a big fat cheeky smile to myself in de mirror. bcos tt has been my bday wish last year for him AND mine. yeah, i wishd i could give him that for his bday - last year and this years. so a part of myself has been wishin tt my moms kidneys doesnt suit him so tt i can give mine.

i really hope i can give mine. i dont think/want to take care of my bros for a wk or more!

its de closest to an escape yet its safe. cos ill have de doctors priority. well, safer.

i kept hittin my head on de emergency box in de train while i was typin tis out on de way to school just now. super crammd train. anyway, The President will be comin to celebrate my bday. hahaha.. well, a belated bday actually. hes comin on de 2nd, next week.
must hide my eyebrow. but my p alr saw it anyway. hahaha. she was jokin (i hope) that wont de thing corrode, when my brain has alr corroded (bcos of all de personal problems i had/have?). ha ha. funny. but i think it IS quite funny. ((:

2009-03-25T11:09:00.007+08:00

in de toilet at 7.50ish - 8pm last night...
i think im gonna stop scarin ppl.
they need to live their lives. surprisinly, ive not been feelin suicidal.
quite sad but good i guess.
i hope tis feelin lasts tho.
mybe God cant help me if it really happens.
haha! so yeah.. i promise i wont do stoopid stuffs.
tho from experience, 2 things can happen.
one: ppl still dont believe me even when i promise
two: im fuckin fickled and .. spontaneous?
yah.. so, sorry if things happen but im stickin to my promise for now. so maybe those who CARE, can take a breather. for now. Hahaha!

ive also realised tt anger is a really good emotion.
it makes u do things - can be good AND bad. but eventually, anger will dissipate. thats de sucky part.
its strength doesnt lasts. compared to sadness.

de power of emotions. it moves you (literally some times)

8.27pm
oh, im not guranteein a safe lifestyle either. (:
but it beats death right? ((: so stop fuckin frettin!

10.19pm
some songs just triggers certain emotions. ive never really listened to de meanin of each song i play on de ipod but GAWD, Yellowcard's songs are all spot on for me now. haha take a look!

EMPTY APARTMENT
Call me out
You stayed inside
One you love
Is where you hide
Shot me down
As I flew by
Crash and burn
I think sometimes
You forget where the heart is

Answer no to these questions
Let her go, learn a lesson
It's not me, you're not listening
Now, can't you see something's missing
You forget where the heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay, and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you loved me you'd say, it's okay

Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life?
What's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?
Does it hurt when you think about me?
And how broken my heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay, and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you loved me you'd say, it's okay

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay, and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you loved me you'd say, it's okay

It's okay
It's okay

ONLY ONE
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

(Chorus)
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

(Chorus)
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

(Music Intro)
Here I go, so dishonestly leave a note for you my only one, and i know you can see right through me so let me go and you will find someone

(Chorus)
Hear i go,scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there`s just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one (x3)
you are my only one

MILES APART
If I could I would do all of this again
Travel back in time with you to where this all began
We could hide inside ourselves and leave the world behind
And make believe there's something left to find

We'll be miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart

Now we've all grown up, gone on and moved away
Nothing I can do about it, nothing I can say
To bring us back to where we were when life was not this hard
Looking back it all just seems so far, so far away

We'll be miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart

I'd give it up for just one more day with you
Give it up for just one more day
I'd give it up for just one more day with you

I'd give it up for just one more day with you
Give it up for just one more day
I'd give it up for just one more day with you

I'd give it up for just one more day with you
Give it up, give it all away
I'd give it up for just one more day with you

We'll be miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart

I need you now, we're miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
I need you now, we're miles apart
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart

TWENTY THREE
I got to tell you that he waited all his life
For someone like you to come make the wrong things right
I know he didn't have the answers all the time
But you can't tell me that you've never told a lie

We're almost twenty-three and you're still mad at me
So much that I said to you and I want to take it back now
Twenty-three and it's so sad to me
You tell the world I'm dead to you
But I know you want me back now

Was it fun for you to watch him fall apart? (Watch me fall)
And suffocate him while you held him in your arms (in your arms)
I swear to God I wish he never let you in (let you in)
And I just hope we never hear from you again

We're almost twenty-three and you're still mad at me
So much that I said to you and I want to take it back now
Twenty-three and it's so sad to me
You tell the world I'm dead to you
But I know you want me back

Wasted on you (wasted on you)
Wasted on you (so much time I've)
Wasted on you (wasted on you)
Wasted on you
On you
On you

Twenty-three and you're still mad at me
So much that I said to you and I want to take it back now
Twenty-three and it's so sad to me
You tell the world I'm dead to you
But I know you want me back now

and my MOST SPOT ON SONG...

INSIDE OUT
Here, A little sympathy for you to waste on me
I know you're faking it but that's okay
And I don't want to drag it out
Don't want to bring you down
I never wanted it to end this way

Even if I wanted to
I don't think that I'd get to you
There's nothing I can say to you to make you feel alive again

Here, A little jealousy
I hope you think of me
Hope you wonder where I sleep at night
Cause I feel like I'm inside out
You got me upside down
Maybe I was holding on too tight

Even if I wanted to
I don't think that I'd get to you
There's nothing I can say to you to make you feel alive again

So don't you say goodbye to me
Just turn your back away and leave
And if you're lucky I will be your last regret, your only friend

The two of us we dream like one
The two of us, the two of us
The two of us take breath like one
The two of us, the two of us

The two of us we dream like one
The two of us, the two of us
The two of us take breath like one
The two of us, the two of us

I guess that this is over now
I guess it's called a falling out
But everyday I'm learning how to make it through this life I'm in

Even if I wanted to
I don't think that I'd get to you
There's nothing I can say to you to make you feel alive again

So don't you say goodbye to me
Just turn your back away and leave
And if you're lucky I will be your last regret, your only friend

1.42am
im goin lesbo. till i find my own edward cullen/robert pattinson. Gawd! im nvr gettin bored of de dvd! im realisin.learnin alot of new things frm de movie again. sighhhh.. fuckin hot n awesome. i just wish im in kristen stewarts shoes! i dont wish im bella. too overated. haha. wtf right? hahaha. I. CAN. SO. FUCK. HIM! Wahahahaha! im too high.. Siggggh. Gdnight werld.

Death is easy.
Life is harder.
- Bella Swan

2009-03-24T16:07:00.002+08:00

22.

such a pity. used to be my favourite number. it meant soo much to me.

now, it just hurt.

and so i intend to stay 21. preferably forever.

2009-03-24T12:04:00.003+08:00

i got tis in my email. kinda true lehh.. esp de poem part. which u probably cant see...

If you are having a bad day, remember it could be worse...

i will blog properly later.
cannot see? i put de link up later.

heres de link. hope tis is better.

http://www.picturepush.com/public/1518909

2009-03-23T21:09:00.003+08:00

i have a feelin that people are willin me to die.

everyones gettin paranoid too??

i can live being alone lahh. dont fuckin worry abt me.

sigh. a friend missd de old me. hey, i hear u mann. i miss my ol' self too.
too too bad im not changin.
like that fuckin song i like so much now.

"Free from it all
I’m not gonna change till I want to
And I’m free from it all
I’m not gonna change till I want to" - albert hammond jr

no point in changin mann.. when life will be as shitty as it already is.

sighh.. aaaanyway, be good people. and stop ur paranoia.

and youre not worth my life anymore.

if it happens, shit happens.

2009-03-23T18:08:00.002+08:00

i guess i knew this day would come.

now its official. NOBODY LOVES ME. especially not him.

seeing it myself... those werds... just made me super sad yet all-knowin at de same time.
"... i dont love you...."
thank you.
youve made it easier for me to do things now. things that scares de shit out of you and things that scares de shit out of me yet it might give me my escape. your constant ~~worryin~~ paranoia has made me thought of that today. though i disagree on doin it today cos i dont feel it now (maybe not yet), but you have DEFINITELY given me options. thankyou for ur paranoia. cos it DEFINITELY didnt crossed my mind.

so maybe, de day has not come. YET.
good job!
save it till ure too free and has too much time to think.

oh look! thats probably around my bedtime!

and dont you worry. noone will blame you. i promise.

2009-03-23T17:47:00.001+08:00

its time to let go of de thread of hope ive been clingin so dearly on to...

*wind whizzes by very fast as i fall*

*THUMP!*

red tears oozed out of every corner of my body... willing de escape.

2009-03-23T17:28:00.001+08:00

ALWAYS expect de unexpected.
cause u can get BURN when thinks dont go your way.

fuckinobviousasusual.